With the gap between men and women's earnings narrowing down, men have to come to terms with the reality that women can now get home not just the bread and butter, but the bacon too. However, while double income is a welcome scenario for couples, it can also get awkward when the husband starts feeling envious about his wife earning more than him. According to psychiatrist Dr Ashit Sheth, It is unfortunate that many husbands in India expect their better-earning partners to also behave like conventional wives. They feel it is their right to dominate and might even respond by having an extramarital relationship to prove their superiority. But there are ways to deal with this problem...
See your partner as a teammate, not a competitor
Says life and relationship coach Ameeta Sanghvi, A man needs to make peace with reality, otherwise the unresolved gender feelings will show up without his own awareness and affect the relationship and his sense of self. It's important to see your partner as a teammate and not as a competitor.
Focus on the relationship, not the earnings
It's important for a couple to not make money the focal point of their relationship. The focus should be on the person and the relationship and not on the earnings. It is the love that bonds you together and money should not create a rift. Says Dr Sheth, When a woman is sharing her success with her spouse, it is ridiculous for him to feel jealous. However, she should not be self-centred. She, too, has to understand her partner's feelings and be sensitive to his needs. For instance, when they go out in public, she should introduce him properly. The attempt to reduce conflict and jealousy has to come from both sides. As a couple they should do things together, whether it is travelling or handle money matters jointly. They should avoid emphasising on the disparity due to which there might be disturbance in the relationship.
Keep your egos and insecurities in check
Don't let ego come in between the two of you. If you are insecure about your earnings, find ways and means to improve that, but don't feel disheartened if things don't work out as you had planned. If certain expenses in the house need to be taken care of, let it get done without thinking about who amongst the both of you is bearing the expenses. After all, it's a life that you promised to build together. Also, remember that her income along with yours helps the family lead a more comfortable life. As Abhay Rai, a bank official, admits, My wife started working a year ago and I can see that it has really helped. This year during the vacations, we plan to take our kids to a hill station. Earlier, I would always be worried about spending on such trips but now I am more relaxed. Double income also means we can now save more.
Tips for women who earn more than their partners
- Watch your attitude and manners.
- Don't react negatively.
- Keep unnecessary pride aside.
- Don't make it look as if it is only you who takes care of the demands made by the family.
- Think of ways to better empower your partner.
- Encourage and let him know that he is still loved and appreciated for what he does for the family.
- Try to keep things balanced in the family.
- Don't allow your job to take precedence over family.
- If you feel your partner is upset or tries to discourage you, sit down for some serious talk.
- Take time out from your busy schedule to make him feel appreciated.
Be a man for a woman
Just because your woman earns more than you, it doesn't mean that you change your behaviour and stop doing the little things that can make her heart flutter. So, don't hesitate to use some old-fashioned chivalry tactics. Be gentle in your ways, praise her, open the car door for her and offer her your jacket if it's chilly outside. Even though you cannot afford expensive gifts, just sending her flowers for no particular reason should do the trick. Be creative with your outings, a fun weekend getaway or a cosy dinner after a hard day at work will sound wonderful to your partner. Also, women like to have sturdy shoulders to lean on. So, it's important for a man to maintain his masculinity and make his partner feel secure, says Sanghvi. He should not lose confidence even when there are differences with his wife. A woman likes a man who can accept situations in life without losing his self esteem, and whose self-belief comes from his interest areas and knowledge areas. By being relaxed and accepting of the difference, working hard and being responsible without repeatedly harping on it, a man's identity, power and manliness can be maintained.
Source: Times of India
BDST: 1719 HRS, JAN- 06, 2016
Edited by: Sharmina Islam, Lifestyle Editor
